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“When you hide behind the veil of technology by texting or communicating via social media, it’s hard for her to gauge where she stands,” says Mehta.

Admit it—the reason you texted her in the first place is because texts are inherently low-risk and noncommittal.

“She doesn’t divulge all the details to you, and it drives you kind of crazy.” The details may not be all that interesting, but she’s putting lots of effort into being mysterious in front of you.

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“She believes that you’ll find her more intriguing if she cultivates an air of mystery,” Xu says.

She wants to keep you questioning, says Xu, but she doesn’t want you to question the big things, such as your relationship.

She may be vague about her weekend plans, but she’ll start talking if you start ask her about other guys.

“But she also wants you to know that you’re the first in line.”You took her out and had a great time—and now she’s acting distant and aloof. “She wants to be the opposite of clingy, so she overcompensates by being extra detach-y.”She’s still interested if: She leaves the door—to the future—open.

Or maybe you set up a date for tomorrow, but she just called to say she can’t make it because she has an emergency “work thing.” Sounds fishy, so what gives? Dating is a game of give-and-take, and if she’s playing hard to get, she knows that.

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